I found thsi interesting article in Indian website.
By Dina Rabadi
Do not date us for the “experience†of being with a “white woman.â€
Too many South Asian men come to America with misconceptions about “white women.†The stereotype seems to be that “white women†have no morals, are only interested in men with money, don’t want to be married, and have no religious or family values.
Some South Asian men seem to think that because they are not at home, they can live by a different set of rules. “White women†do not have to be taken seriously. We can be used for sex, comfort and maybe even love. But when it is time to go home, or when the relationship becomes too emotionally charged, they brutally end the relationship or quickly marry someone of their nationality and religion. The “white woman†is left devastated.
I know, because I was one of them.
I was in a relationship with a Pakistani Muslim for four years while both of us were undergraduates at an Ivy League school. He was my first boyfriend, he referred to me as his girlfriend and told me that he loved me many, many times, but always added that he couldn’t marry me. His mother was expecting him to marry a Pakistani Muslim and if he didn’t, he would break her heart.
As an American Christian woman of an interracial background, I could not understand. We were compatible at every level, except for my ethnic and religious background. To me, his arguments and his family’s expectations seemed racist. My parents had taught me to look beyond race and to love someone for his character, spirit and integrity. Even if they didn’t necessarily approve of my life partner, my parents would still want me to marry the person I loved. If I were happy, they would be happy for me, and accept my partner into the family.
After going back and forth about the relationship, we broke up. He got engaged to a Muslim woman from Pakistan two months after our break up. He wrote to me about the engagement and added, “Perhaps you’ll say to yourself that I am more in love with — than I was with you. It’s not true. I can’t lie to myself.â€
I was devastated.
Four years with this person whom I loved so much and knew loved me — only to have him offer up his life commitment to someone else whom he hardly knew, in such a short time. But then I realized that he did not have the character, spirit and integrity my parents had told me to look for. Otherwise he would have known that I am a woman before I am white, with feelings, hopes and dreams of my own. I’m “white†because I was born that way. I didn’t choose my race as much as he didn’t any more than he chose his nationality, family or religion. He did not enjoy being discriminated against for who he was and what he believed in; he should not have done the same to me.
As I related my story to other women, I learned that my situation was not that unusual. A 26 year-old Canadian woman working on her Ph.D. at the University of Chicago, dated a Hindu Indian investment banker for five years before he told her that their chance of getting married was nil. His parents, he finally told her, are expecting him to marry an Indian and he did not want to disappoint them. He still loves her, he added, but he could not let his family down. She too is now devastated.
This has to stop.
If you are a South Asian man considering coming to my country, or are already here, you need to realize that us “white women†are to be treated with the same respect that you give your mothers, daughters, sisters or wives. The difference in values and upbringing between the women of India and the United States does not make one better than the other.
And if you are afraid of falling in love with a “white woman,†know that your religion does allow the marriage. Your culture and your family, however, may disapprove. But that is something that you need to resolve for yourself. Don’t drag the “white woman†through your emotional turmoil while you figure it out. That is the ethically responsible thing to do.
So when you get off the plane, and see us on the street, at a party, in class, or at work, and think we are alluring, do not approach us unless you are willing to discover our values, our interests, our personality, regardless of race or religion. Do not approach us unless you are willing to commit to us if we fall in love. If you cannot commit, then leave us alone and go back home to get married. Do not hurt us by loving us then not having the courage to deal with the consequences of that love. Do not date us for the “experience†of being with a “white woman.†We are not an exhibit, carnival ride or trip to the city.
