Dear Nepali Friends and Family,

I bought $5.00 phone card from Himtel to talk to my Family in XYZ, a city in eastern part of Nepal (Terai Region). I can not complaint about phone card. It was clear and smooth and got connection in just one attempt. Mom answered the phone with "Hello". I was so excited to hear her. "Namaskaar Mommy , Sanchai hoisincha???" that was my first sentence as always. And then conversation begins.

Today, I would feel it.. mom,s voice is different. Mom told me, "Babu! Ta Nepal nafarki aile". I was shocked. Is that a mom saying to her son? I could not believe it for a second. It has been three years I have not visited Nepal. I am so excited about this 2005 since I am planning to visit Nepal this summer. I wake up every morning and count the day and mark the calendar. Every week, I looked at the fliers and papers for sale. Almost every week I am going to mall back and forth and check list what I bought for whom??? I have a big big family and I don?t want to forget to buy something for them that?s why I have made the check list and I am marking the list after I buy something for them. Like ? Duiti vanji lai ramro ghadi ?Vanja lai Jacket? Bhai lai Guitar? Dijju lai make up kit?
Fupu dijju lai jutta ? rekha dijju lai Pearl ko necklace? santosh lai t shirt.. and blah blah blah?.. Simply I don?t want to disappoint anybody in the family. My friends were like? ?yaaar! You are going crazy. I have never seen anybody as much excited as you are. You started shopping even 6 month before you fly?. Anyway, lets drop it here and continue with the conversation with my mom. Mom said, ? Babu, Hijo raati maobaadi le gau ko ghar ma aago lagai diye? Mero vakkano futera aayo. Mom knew that I have a lot of sentiments attached to Gau ko Ghar. My childhood dream. I can even picture how many windows or doors were there. It was 3 stories huge building with a lot of space for me to play all around. That house is the best place to play Hide and Seek. I always visited Gau in every long holiday and I carry a lot of stories about it to tell my friends at school when I get back to school after holidays. Mom started explaining? "Ghar naramrari jaleko cha? pachi Aago dubai goth ma salkiye cha? Gai, Bhaisi sabai dadechana.. .. kunai kunai dadera ghaaite bhayeka chan?chatpataudai chan.. tara bachne aasha chaina re? dhaan sabai dadyo? yas paali gaaro cha hamilai ..". Ghar ko left side ma gai ko goth and right side ma bhaisi ko goth thiyo. People here used to ask me how is Nepal? And always replied them.. it?s a heaven on the lap of Himalayas. I told them about my childhood stories.. and they were expecting a new picture of mine with Bhaisi ma chareko pose.. that's what I told them.. that I would ride Bhaisi again who knows when I would be able to do it later in my life.. so I would take a snap of my buffalo ride. Socheko thiye paral ko thupro ma pani picture khichne chu? gau ko khola ma macha pani parchu?. Besides these, gau ko ghar ko ek ek kuna kapcha ko picture khichne chu? so that I could tell the stories to my children in future. I wanted to save that Ghar in my album like a story in the book. Dreams!! Ahh Dreams?. Aja mero mutu jaleko cha?. Gau ko tyo ghar ko jalajhalti yaad aai ra cha?. But I could only picture black colored all around the ghar now.

I was looking at the posting?"upload beautiful pics of Nepal here" and I was recalling my childhood.. my home? my gau.. my dreams? and suddenly this happened?

"ta hatar garera ticket na le aile? ticket line bela ma feri phone garera sodhnu" mom went on. I asked mom how is everything in the city. She said. " Gharma chuira (beaten rice.. ppl mostly use in terai for khaja) matrai cha bhane ghar bahira niskinu bhanda tei chuira ra paani khaanu thik cha?. Yasto awastha cha yaaha ko? Bus chaldaina? gari sabai thappa banda cha? Pasal khuldainon?. Sadak Sadak galli galli ma Yuddha bhaako jasto lagcha. .. Yuddha huda kasto isthiti huncha bhanera bujhnalai aba Iraq jaanu pardaina hamile" Then she added? "chora, yasto kura nagareko ramro phone ma? taile news thaha pai halchas ni?". Mom looked a bit scared with the fear that telephone talks would be recorded and used against. I just agreed to her sentence.

I am deeply hurt. Moists had brutally attacked on my sentiments last night. If I leave my sentiments aside then, mero ta ghar matrai jaleko ho? gai goru bhaisi matrai jaleko ho? asti ko 58 raaaga mare jasto tara? jasko ghar pariwaar le afno haat khutta or tauko gumayeka chana.. I don?t know how they will be able to forgive these Maoist (TERRORIST)? For me, its impossible? Killing is Killing? it?s a Crime from any angle I can see. I would not be able to ease my pain with any kind of justification for Killing. I would never be able to forgive those Maoists (Terrorists). I don?t care.. if its king or queen or girija or panche or makune?? if any of them will act to demolish this Terrorist group.. I would definitely support them.. no matter if they are prajatantrik or aprajatantrik.

Today I would like to honor this PICTURE again?.. The picture was dedicated to all Nepalese around the world on Feb 18 (democracy day). 11 Candles are burned in the memory of 11,000 nepalese being killed during the Maoist Andolan. And the 12th candle is the hope for peace . 12th candle represent my expectation to restore peace though King Gyanendra.

Also, I want to see the postings from those who have been victim of Maoist ... and.. if you think they can forgive this Terrorist Group (Maoist)? Plzz enlighten me? I don?t know if I am sick now?
Thank you very much for reading it.

OK, that was a good account. I do not have the answers you are seeking and I cannot even dare to fathom the pain you and your family have gone through. Here's wishing you, and everybody, a better future.

Whatever reason, the Maoists may have for their deeds, there is no justification to their killings, tortue, violence and pain caused by them to the general people, like for anyone else.

Ok jee! My sympathy goes to you and your family. What I have suffered is nothing in front of what you suffered through.
Ajsab, Bhumi_gh, Nepali CNN and Gham-Pani thanx a lot.

That?s not a falsified story I mentioned exactly what I felt. If you can not take it as true story.. then plzz do me a favor? ignore me. You guys are asking for proof if they were maoist who set fire?you guys asking me if any of my family members were active in politics? wow. Just check you voice again. Do you really think ethically it?s a good question for you to ask???? Do you have anything to say.. if I say yea they were maoist and they sent letters to my dad that he is allowed to plant rice or whatever.. but maoist will come to harvest. They said they would take all the yield obtained from the field. And by the way? no, there were none in my family neither in mom?s side nor in dad?s side who were ever in politics. And what you guys trying to point me out??? Like my parents were ghuskhori just like the politicians we have. And why in the world.. you think maobaadi are attacking only ghuskhori???? If it had been a true story then CIAA have nothing to work on.. all works should have been done by Maoist. Why those arjun narsingh kc, bijay gachhadar, khum bahadur or padma sunder lawati or so many are so safe at their home?????? It is just a nudge.. if you think they kill only ghushkhori.. then wake up and smell the coffee? and by the way.. even if they were ghushkhori.. then we have law and order?to investigate and punish.. rather than killing them?.

Just think about? if bijay gachhadar would be killed by maoist for whatever reason? how would his family interpret it??? Don?t you think this killing will not stop the problem.. rather this killing will implant the feeling of killer in somebody else heart too.. Probably somebody in their family will hold the gun too.. You can not justify killing no matter how hard you try. Killing is just Killing.. simply a CRIME thru whatever angle you want to view. A wrong way to correct a mistake is another mistake.

I am just amazed with your voice again.. where were you when a teacher was brutally killed tied in a tree trunk and in front of his students. He was beaten up to death by hitting the other side of gun on to his testes. Can anybody justify this killing????? How those innocent students would have interpreted that killing. Anybody ever tried to think the psychological effects on those students??? Who can justify it??? Interrupting classes in school and abducting students and teacher? can you justify it????? There are so many of such things?. Open ur eyes.. and see the world first. Do not shout on the basis of whatever you see? in ur room?

I URGE you to give the justification to the wife of that teacher or kids of that teacher or the students who were crying and peeping thru the window and watching that brutal game of Maoist.. And then come and ask me whatever question you got. Or I will keep silence and you go ahead and prove my dad as a ghushkhori?. Tanashaahi? or you can tell me the value of my sentiments too 2,3 lakh? I will keep quiet. And if you think you are not blind.. then my silence will be a mirror.. that you can see yourself better.

Ok jee! Honestly I really felt bad about what you have suffered yet. But don?t you think the other way we are doing another mistake to correct one old mistake by choosing a wrong way. We had democracy too.. but we failed to implement a good tradition and enforcement of strong law and order. That?s our fault. Maoist who already have shown their tradition too? (killing) how can I trust them???? See how good it could have been.. if those maoist have caught such ghushkhori ppl and dragged them to court.. and give pressure on the government to enforce the law and order to punish them. They could have won everyone?s heart. Nepalese are peace lover. They will not go with anybody who comes up with killing people. See its mistakes over mistakes. That?s why we are in crisis.. and suffering.. all political parties and even maobaadi (terrorist) have seen us as a one vote. They think we are simply a vote. They give big big time speech to alleviate our problems and pain.. and see they don?t care at all when we suffer? like this blockade and highway banda.. who are suffering?? Answer is simple.. we. If they have problem with girija then go and fight with girija or same goes with king or makune or whatever leader.. why in the world we got to suffer>?????

I am a ph.d. Student as you are ok jee I do not limit people by geographical boundaries. Wherever you go whatever you do ?.. anywhere in the world. do not forget Nepal.. and whenever you get chance ? do something for Nepal so that we can set a good tradition that our clan will follow. Aakhir hami marda pani nepali nai bhayera marnechau. Also, ok jee! If we carry our vengeance I don?t think we ever find out the exit. We will pass it to our clan who will be paralyzed by our vengeance and its not good at all. For peace, for a dream of Healthy Nepali society, for the establishment of good tradition .. I think we should put our vengeance aside and work together.

Janani Janmabhumischa swargaadapi gariyasi.

Ajsab! Ma pani buba am alai dhogchu .. aba phone ma ta dhogna mildaina..? tara namaste chimiki lai matrai bhanne cheez hoina.. see its meaning is so heavy.. (god inside me saluting the god inside you).. its not like hi or hello.. if you go to depth.. its really heavy.. that?s why I started greeting my parents with namaste on phone.

NepaliCNN and Gham-pani? thank you for ur words.. .. I needed it.

Thank you for reading it.

meteors,
I understand what namaste or namaskar stants for it....
but it just sounds odd when sons or daughters say 'namaskar or namaste' to their parents even over phones also...

...whatever u do, it's upto u..but still i find it odd to hear sons calling their parents over phone and saying 'namaskar or namaste'...

do other people also say 'namaskar' to their parents????
post your feelings..

Harey Meteors ji,
kuro nabujhda artha ko anartha lagchha.
What I meant to say was let us not incite hatred against any particular group. Maoists problem is something that should be dealt with politics not with arms. Today your home is burnt, tommorrow they may set my home on fire. If the King tries to crush them militarily, the next day the Maoists may burn down Ghampani's home. They can't set fire on Gyanendra's Palace, so they will seek revenge by burning one of ours home. And therefore, we should look forward for a viable remedy. We should not encourage Gyanendra to try to root out Maobadi. Because, simply he can't do that. So we have to encourage them for dialogue. For peaceful solution. So that neither the maoists have to burn our home not the army has to set fire the maoists home. Maile ta teso po bhaneko. Tapai tesai risaidine?

And one more thing. This Gaunko ghar sahar ko ghar Hajurbako ghar , they are not any worthy when 24 million Nepali ko ghar is burning. When Nepal is burning.
Your great grand dad worked hard without taking bribe and built that 3 storey home. Agreed (even though it sounds fishy). So why should you feel miserable? Your great grand dad worked hard for his family, his son daughter. Now you work hard for your family and build another home for you. Luckily you are in the USA. grand dad ko ghar tapailai kina chahiyo yar. Sentiment re. K ko sentiment ? manchhe le afno bau aama chhora chhori afnai jyan gumaunu parchha bhane tyo jabo euta ghar jalyo ta k ko roi karai garnu. Tyo ghar lai jalnu thiyo jali gayo. Aba maobadi lai mase pani tapaiko ghar pahilako jastai banne haina kyare. Feri tapaiko ta sahar ma pani chhadaichha. Bichar garnus na jasko bhaeko euta khar ko jhupadi jaleko chha tini haru le mero ghar jalyo bhanera sajha ma post garne?

Be strong hearted. Believe in your own earnings and dont be too greedy. Tapai, tapaiko ba ama ra pariwar lai euta ektale 4, 5 kotha bhako gharle kafi hunchha. Kamauna sake 2, 3 tale nai banaunus kei chhaina. But don't cry for the loss of Hajurbako ghar. No Nepalese need 2,3 homes in villages, and cities and capital. If they think so, they are feudals. I dont have sympathy for feudals. No offence pls.

Newuser,
You wrote, "They can't set fire on Gyanendra's Palace, so they will seek revenge by burning one of ours home." So should we excuse the Maoists?
And you also wrote, "If the King tries to crush them militarily, the next day the Maoists may burn down Ghampani's home." So is that right? If Maoists are fighting for general public like me or other nepalese, should they torture me or other nepalese. Isn't that ironic? If they had carried out their acts againts the ones that have put our country in the drians, then I would have admired them. But they are no more than terrorists, peolple who target innocent people for their own gain and interest. like Rumsfeld rightly said, " You don't neogtiate with terrorists," you don't excuse them either.

Thank you ghaam pani!!

Newuser!! by the way who are you telling me what worth that property has??? and you just made fun of my sentiments.. and by the way who are you telling me to have one ghar in city??? are you taking about democracy ??? and if you raising ur voice for freedom then.... why are you ordering me where is my freedom to own whatever ghar i want too..

just think twice.. howcome killing can find solution out of it.... ghar jalayera solution vetne bhaye dekhi... mero ghar ta jalyo.. aba solution deu na ta???? or malai pani panche bhana or raja ko chancha... at least teti garna ta hajuri saro sipalu soisincha

Ghampani ji, Here lies the difference between you and me mate.

I dont believe in Rumsfeld, I believe in myself. I dont see Maoists as terrorist. Their act is terrorists act which has been propagated by the bullish act of the political parties, palace, and the security forces. No one is born as a maoists or terrorist.It's the conditions that make some one maoist.

Do you belive in Rumsfeld? All the terrorists organisation who are launching attack on innocent civilians today are the product of American diplomacy after the 1950s. It were the Americans who armed Bin Laden and Taleban and other terrorist organisations at the first place. The Americans are rubbish(I mean the rulers) and give me no examples of them. No Nepalese would have been brutally killed by terrorists in Iraq if America had not invaded Baghdad. You know what I mean? America says it's fighting against the terrorists but many of the guns that terrorists possess today are american made. America incites and instigates conflict. Then sales arms to both parties.

Now coming to Nepal. Why did you blame the Maoists only? Why don't you blame the king who enjoy extravagant life in the palace while public are having hard times to feed themselves? Why only blame the political parties? If you were in a remote village in Rolpa or Rukum, what option would you have beside carrying guns for the Maoists. Blame no Maoists my friend, blame no powerless people. The Maoists cadres who were ordered to burn down Meteor's home are ill-fated then us. They didn't have any options beside taking the arms for Maoists. Think what would have been your fate if you were born in Rolpa and Rukum. You would certainly become comrade Ghampani today.

Guys, afno ghar jalyo bhanera sabai ko ghar jalos bhanne bichar na rakhau. We must think sensibly and force the King to accept for constituent assembly which will force the Maoists to join the mainstream. Hamro desh ko samashya ko mukhya churo Darbar ko atyadhik shakti sanchaya garne mansaya ho. If the palace agrees to be within the truly constitutional frame work, many problems can be eradicated. You just think yourself, if in your college where all of you pay equal fees but one or two individuals get extremely good facilities then you, will that be acceptable to you? Why should the King and the Queen and the Royals get that unnecessary privilege?
The King and Paras and the Royals even don't know to speak proper Nepali. They wear clothes made in Japan and the US, jewels made in switzerland , drive German cars, watch English movies, have fun with foreigners, entertain in Casinos. Hamri Maharani le lagaune eutai sari lai dasau hajjar parchha sathi. She wears expensive jewelleris then what Queen elizabeth of Britain puts on. Elizabeth shops on supermarkets where middle class Britons shop. Have you ever seen Komal shopping in Newroad? See the contrast, the per capita income of Britain in nearly 30,000 dollars while Nepals is 200 dollars. WHy don't you see this thing as a problem? How could the Royals be more Nepalese then the garib maobadis.

I sympathise on poor Nepalese, poor Maobadis. Not to the King and some aristrocrats. Unless the King is forced to give up his desire to become 'dui haat khutta bhako god' of the Nepali, the Maoists problem is not going to be solved. Maoists wont be finished off unless the structure of rule is changed. Blame Gyanendra not Maoists. I hope you got my point.

Meteros, Tei ta tapailai kina dherai ghar chahiyo bhanya k?
Tehi bata samasya suru hunchha.
DO you mean democracy is to amass as much property as you can by depriving others. Maile testo democracy ko garya haina prabho. Ma ta sadharna Nepali ko chhora ho. Malai afno lagi euta ghar bhae pugchha. Ani aru sabai dhani garible pani mero jastai sano tino ghar banauna sake hunthyo bhanne mero bichar ho.

Ma dherai dhan sampatti jodna chahanna prabho. Teso gare pachhi maobadi ko aankha lagchha k. Kina dhan jamma garera jalauna dinu yar? baru eso dui char paisa maoobadi-pidit, sarkar pidit garibharulai donate gardinus yar.

Ani aba kati juhari khelne? Aru nai kei kaam lagne kura garauna. Sachi tapai ma hami milera dui char paisa uthera Nepal ma euta health post kholdiuna ki kaso. Kholni ho. Jaam hidnus Nepal ani tei paisa jamma garera euta health post banaidera aau. Tapai hami ta chor Neta jasto bhrastachari chhaunau kyare. deshko lagi kei garne ho? K chha bichar?

Newuser,
You talk like George Bush, "If you hate Maoists, you most be King's loyalists." I don't like Kings either, nor do I like the leaders of political parties which we have seen in the last 14 years. What do you mean by, "Don't blame Maoists"? What exactly have I blamed them for besides their own action. I am not blaming them for the situation Nepal is right now. I am only holding them responsible for their actions. In fact, I blame the monarchy and the political leaders for Nepal's current situation; I blame them for creating Maoists indirectly. I blame Maoists, King and the political leaders for their irresponsible actions that have hurt nepalese. But that being all said, I do hold each and every maoist responsible for his/her action, for the murders, totured, and the pain he/she caused to the innocent lives.
And no I don't believe in Rumsfled, as a matter of fact, we seem to hold the same opinion about American foreign policy. I was only quoting him, with the assumption that it was in fact the terrorists on the other end of negotiating table.

Such a heated debate... I just wanted to put in my two cents...

Meteor, I am so sorry for you and for your family's loss. The monetary loss is nothing when compared to the emotional loss you and yours have suffered. I completely understand the loss you must have felt--losing a place of your memories kills a little part of the boy you were and the memories you hold dear.

OK, God! I am amazed at you! At your ability to take the opportunities that were presented to you. I am so completely disheartened at the life you lead at the lives your family led, and may to some extent lead today. I am definitely an admirer! As for what you should do, I think you should use your experience, your education and your mind to help Nepal clear itself of the depravity (for lack of a better word) and filth that it has sunk into.

I think the fundamental problem in Nepal is that people feel that they MUST either side with the piece of poop, fill my pockets only government, or the kill everyone so that they may see the injustices that I have faced Maoists. I see no reason for both camps. I think that the best way to help Nepal is a restructured system... One that starts in the hearts and minds of every Nepali person, abroad or at home.

We MUST lose the caste system mentality!!!!!!!!!! It is not just "our kind" that are suffering, it is all of Nepal! It is every person that can remember what Nepal once was that is suffering.

Everyone at some point has felt the effects of either the government or the Maoists, let us not hate anymore! Let us not say the condition exists because of the party I don't sympathize with. We created it! The society in which we exists created it! Our acceptance of our "caste" and place in society is what must go. Why am I not just the girl I am? Why must I be considered only because of my lineage?

Let's meet in the middle as Nepalis, and start working towards a system that works!

Del Well said!

Meteor,
I can relate to your story of losing a place filled with memories.

Ok, heart wrenching story as well and some thought provoking questions. I have always believed time is a great healer. I am sure will know exactly what to do...:)

Meteors, I am sorry for your loss. But you still have not answered my questions.